If I say “I don’t like judgmental people”, am I being judgmental?

I don’t dislike judgmental people. I think passing judgment is being real. We’re all imperfect human beings and we will always do things that others don’t agree with. And some people have the need to let others know that they disagree. That’s why we are all entitled to our own opinions.

As Peter would say, “That’s why they make Chevys”. Because, as much as Michael and I (and Dave and Michelle) find it abominable, not everybody likes old Land Rovers.

I recently had an e-mail “conversation” with someone, and the subject of being judgmental came up. And I said I thought that if people are close enough friends, they should be able to deal with each others’ judgment. If I disagree with something one of my friends is doing, I feel like I should be able to say, “I think that really stinks.” Otherwise, the relationship is uncomfortable and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. The other person disagreed with me. Was s/he being judgmental about my opinion on judgment?

An example of me with my friends: I have a friend who enjoys rum to the extent that he starts to annoy me after a while, putting his feet on the table and/or grabbing people in inappropriate places. I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that my opinion of his behavior is that it really stinks. Usually I’ll say something like, “Stop being a f***ing jerk!” He doesn’t necessarily stop, but he knows my opinion, and we are still friends. Am I being judgmental?

Mostly, I think of judgmental people as those who want you to live your life differently, you know, the way THEY think you should. But don’t we ALL do this to some extent?

A couple of examples: 1.) Family members who try to convince you (subtly or not so much), that other career paths would be better for you than your chosen one; 2.) People who read others’ opinions (blogs)and make inferences about their lifestyle without actually knowing the blogger.

Another friend has said over and over again, “I’m old enough that I don’t care what people think anymore.” And that’s pretty much where I’m at.

In the book, “The Four Agreements“, Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Be impeccable with your word”, “Don’t take anything personally”, “Don’t make assumptions”, and “Always do your best”.

The “Don’t take anything personally” part is what I’m trying to get at here. The truth is out there. Someone’s opinion may or may not have anything to do with the truth. If someone says something to you or about you that is not the truth, you don’t have to take it personally.

I’m still working on it….

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 6th, 2008 at 5:24 pm and is filed under St. Croix, Terry Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.